Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Awhile back I realized that I already have so few pictures actually WITH my munchkin. You see, first off, I'm often the one behind the camera, not in front of it. No matter how much I love Ryan, he doesn't think to himself, "This is a memory I want to remember forever", and grab the camera. It's not that he doesn't want to remember it, or that he doesn't love us, it's just that grabbing the camera is usually the last thing on his mind. Then, to make it worse, I am the one to do all the editing and filing of the pictures and the writer of the blog. So, when photos like this one do show up, I'm quick to dismiss them because maybe my hair doesn't look perfect, or maybe I didn't have makeup (both true in this picture!). No matter how good I get in photoshop, there are some things I'm not qualifed to fix :O)
Long story short, I made a vow to start making sure to be present in pictures with Abby. Someday, when I can't remember her being this little, when I can't feel the weight of her in my arms, or her little hand wrapped around my finger, I will have pictures like this to look back on. And, in those moments, I won't care what my hair looked like.
And, not just present in pictures. Present all the time. Since going back to work I feel this constant tug at my heart when we are apart. Sure, we have bad days. Days when I just want someone else to take over. But those moments are few. And, when someone else does take over, I find myself wanting her back near me.
This little lady has taught me a lot since she came into my life. Making elaborate dinners just don't matter much anymore. I often leave my phone in the bedroom when I'm home (on silent) and don't look at it for hours (sorry Mom!!). I don't check emails often from home. Blogging and knitting? Those things happen after my peanut goes to bed. When I'm with her, I'm WITH her and she is what is most important to me.
I will remember to ask Ryan to grab the camera every now and then. And, I will remember that my hair, makeup, and clothes won't matter to anyone, least of all Abby. All she cares about is that we love her with every ounce of our being. And that, I can promise, I do!